dragonflyy poetry

Idiot.

2011-09-24T22:00:00.003-04:00

We fell in love like idiots,

And didn’t stop.

They told us we should,

And we just shook our heads.

We listened to music,

Sang sad tunes and

Cried the longest rivers.

But we never stopped.

They called us idiots,

And we were—

We wrote poems,

Made faces, and snuck around

Till we didn’t want to,

And we did it for us,

Until ‘us’ was a question,

With no answer.

Magic Show

2011-09-24T20:45:00.000-04:00

Houdini disappeared time after time,
and each time people stared in awe.
He'd reappear and take the show,
all he did was call it magic.

I run away from a fear,
and people stare with anger--
degradation for a disappearance,
its not magic when its me.

Sinatra sang a tune so blue,
the people clapped and paid him due,
He joined the band and started a show,
all he did was give his heart.

I cry and sing my pain,
and people ignore me completely--
degradation for emotion,
its just repetitive when its me.

Intimacy and Deprivation

2011-09-24T19:56:00.003-04:00

We grow closer as the yearsgo,

Intimacy and deprivationbecome

Fearful parts of everychild’s existence

Wondering if you’re the onefor them.

Days, months, years go by,

And you’re no longer the onefor them,

You aren’t the one they wantto cry to,

To share the secrets youused to share.

Stories shared are crumbledpieces of paper,

Whose existence isn’tnoticed anymore,

Whose meanings lost allmeaning,

Whose life lost all of itsessence.

So head down you trudge on,

Regretting nothing butmistakes,

And ideas that you thoughtwere good,

But were told were wrong.

No room to judge foryourself,

Because you still think sheis perfect,

You still think she is yourworld,

And everything in it.

Your dreams are of her hair,

Softly blowing in the wind,

across your cheek, her face

nestled into your very ownchest.

Happiness isn’t anything buther,

But her happiness falls incracks,

That she doesn’t know exist,

And all you want,

—is her happiness.

Beautiful thing

2011-07-25T19:59:00.000-04:00

I saw beneath the sky,

a horizon filled in with color.

A beautiful thing that fades away,

that can only be remembered.

The sky darkened with pain,

lit by only a few successful stars.

Every night these lights shifted,

unhappy with their position,

constantly trying to be brighter,

always uncomfortable just the same.

To me they looked like lanterns,

soldiers marching their way home.

Dawn's sun became their freedom,

an oversized rainbow in the sky,

A hope for more tomorrows,

when tomorrow may not come.

Thanatopsis

2010-11-04T12:45:00.000-04:00

Our God contains us all within his realm,

Upon the Earth we shall remain to die.

To make mistakes and learn each lesson well,

In Nature’s peace, acceptance will be found.

Though tears are shed, life still goes on each day,

The freedom of our new lives brings them joy.

Beneath the ground each soul is bound by roots,

Which forms a tree for those we love to see.

Our death forms flowers on this tree of life,

Reminding all who see it, we are gone.

To lands with blue skies, filled with clouds and stars,

With meadows green and full of flower blooms.

Soon we will find the others who have passed,

Are with us now in Nature’s perfect land.

And those we miss will join us in the end,

For Nature’s essence destines unity.

So when you lay down in your bed to dream,

Remember well the lessons Nature taught;

That death will come to all who lived and dwelled,

And bring eternal life in Nature’s peace.

Igloo's and Pancakes

2010-08-07T14:59:00.001-04:00

These were dated April 14, 2010, but were never really finished.

Funny how we have more fun in the silence then when we've the opportunity to talk. More gets done, and less gets said. I won't deny love but no one said it wasn't special. Who's to say we don't know what love is because we're younger.. who's to say we can't be different. Maybe if you stop calling me names other than my own, you'll see I'm only me. And maybe you'll realize that thats all you'll ever get, because i won't change for anything. I'm more than you think, why don't you just clear your cloudy eyes, of all the things you want me to be, and see what i am and have potential to be.

i remember back in the day,

when we'd sit around, play,

and remember things we lost,

thinking only of the cost

rather than the effort and the pain,

not enjoying whats simple or plain.

and that brings me to people,

digressions never bothered me so much

but heres my plan;

to keep this to the point without a rhyme,

without a reason

but for you to understand

that people are corrupt and we don't care

don't look around,

promise me you'll keep your innocence

and never frown,

cause that would give you wrinkles,

age beyond your years

(insert stanza)

but we've lost those fears,

layed down in the grass

and thought three more years,

were all we'd have to wait.
So we became dedicated patrons

to igloos and pancakes

now we've got two years to devote

to hoping, wishing, praying

that tomorrows not as far as it seems,

cause I've already spent a year,

of counting tomorrow's,

and I'm falling short on sleep

Emotions

2010-07-07T14:46:00.002-04:00

A teasing smirk, a laugh, a smile,

my lovers joy, my hearts desire.

Flowing sheets, oceans breeze,

perfect set up, perfect scene.

His warm heat, my cold skin,

bodies together, fingers entwined.

My pouting glance, his perfect lips,

come close together, he gives me a kiss.

Calm and collected, hes in control,

my breath quickens, as his slows,

His hand on my cheek, arm on my side,

my mouth finds his neck, he lets out a sigh.

our emotions take over...

Beautiful Things in the Summer

2010-05-24T14:48:00.004-04:00

all through my studying...

i've kept thinking....

"july... its all for july."

Now I'm just waiting

for that rainstorm you've promised me..

cause it'll bring beautiful things in the summer

Cloud

2010-05-05T23:03:00.002-04:00

Clouds brought rain

and with the rain

came storms

that lasted forever

no end came

till we prayed it would

but then we found

a new storm had come.

Water poured from out eyes

& tears from our hearts,

staining a once pure life

with misery and pain.

when the clouds went away,

the skies remained grey,

and the shadows cast by them

became rainbows.

Burn Marks and Pokadot Stains

2010-03-25T17:28:00.003-04:00

flame in the candle;
don't burn out, don't burn out.
Fell asleep in silk sheets,
and tears, tears stained them.

Left the window open
just to feel the breeze, blowing
but there was a storm;
natures in my house (ohhh)

Ivy walls, greenery
all the things, we should be,
leaves are on my furniture
dying, dying--

had a dream time was going quicker,
woke up, found it all gone
figured out its not just in my mind

Children running around outside,
running, running.. screaming--
knowing not one day,
one day it'll be for their life.

Funny how you find out
trees will come to harm you
over grown the concrete
surround you with beauty and pain

*refrain*

candle with a flame
and it burned out, burned out.
silk sheets looking shabby,
with burned marks and pokadot stains.

Bleeding Butterflies/Beautiful Phoenix

2010-01-18T20:18:00.003-05:00

I'm bleeding butterflies,

don't be afraid to open your eyes.

these rainbows are the most amazing,

buried between the tears i cry.

why are you telling me,

to stop this addiction,

to listen to a fallen angel

who lost her wings to demons.

Sometimes you have to succumb,

to the flames that threaten,

to eat us in the most beautiful way,

to kill us to make us alive.

Don't tell me you can't see it,

you've been friend to dirty bottles,

that only make you sleep,

until you wake to wonder why.

Go away in peace, my love,

before your blue skies fade to grey.

you'll never see how much I love you,

you're focused on dough and not emotion.

Lost In Forever

2010-01-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time,

another fairy-tale,

left without an end,

true love fails again.

And if its at starbucks,

three years, a drive thru,

that has created pain,

from no-shows.

I trust you with all my heart,

I gave these days away,

to crying out rainstorms,

that only you can control,

But wheres my mind in this,

where are our souls?

..we are lost in forever--

World of Porches; Skies and Suns

2009-12-07T23:49:00.012-05:00

Part XI of Omitting My Confessions

Lonely little front porch,

finally gained a friend today.

Silent conversations,

His friend sits there on the steps.

And this time the porch,

is helping her say goodbye,

as she watches her love,

walk into the dust.

The house is desperate,

but the hallways are caving,

they're caving in on themselves,

their defeat their own fault.

The sun is turning to wax,

in this world of porches.

The sky is bleeding color,

and the grass is fading to grey.

She watches every friend,

turn their back to her.

She watches each love,

walk past her door without regret.

She whispers to the porch,

"You see, there goes another.

I'll never love again, my friend,

except for loving you."

Love is killing me today,

soon enough there wont be anything,

no there wont be anything left,

no room in a heart thats all gone.

The sun is turning to wax,

in this world of porches.

The sky is bleeding color,

and the grass is fading to grey.

Soon theres no one left to stay,

soon theres nothing left to say,

Surely a heart can love forever,

but forever wont love my heart.

A porch absorbs the silence,

a porch contains a heart,

my porch contains a feeling,

this porch is all i've got.

but her porch burned down today,

it burned right to the ground.

she accidently lit a match,

and accidently set it free.

So beautiful were the flames,

as they danced their oiled path.

and she whispered to them today,

"You see, there goes another.

I'll never love again, my friend,

except for loving you."

Days in this Future; Father Time

2009-12-07T23:42:00.003-05:00

Part X of Omitting My Confessions

dear father time,

I hope you don't mind,

but i'm thinking ahead,

to days far in my future.

And I'm pretty scared,

for what these days might hold

the futures not looking well,

its looking sick and dead instead.

So I'm begging you,

to look after me now.

I may not be bright,

but I want to survive this.

Christmas is a shadow,

cast from this store window.

I'm seeing happy families,

that don't mirror my own.

I want to find love,

I want a safe, and loving home.

Maybe I've got that,

I'm just feeling so alone.

But I'm praying anyways,

I'm praying harder than ever before.

I've got a hope for better tomorrows,

I've got hope theres something left.

So please father time,

save me from more yesterdays,

that loom as ghosts,

of bitterly dark times...

And I'm hoping that,

you won't mind father time,

but i'm thinking ahead,

to days far in my future.

Desperate Extremes; Fed-Ex Hearts

2009-12-07T22:48:00.003-05:00

Part IX of Omitting My Confessions

I wish you could read the words on my heart,
but your too busy marching the other way.
Yes it hurts, maybe it was meant to,
but either way, there's never a sign from you.

I'm looking for an indication to turn around,
that my head and heart are screwed on wrong,
I'm not a mummy wrapped and in a coffin,
I'm a living, breathing, human in the back of your mind.

*Soon you can't deny it completely,
cause no matter how you try,
you can never get rid of me
but your going to desperate extremes.*

So heres a glove, but no hand to wave goodbye,
I'm getting used to the casualties you take on me,
but the death rates are no longer consistent,
you're falling out of faith and taking second glances.

What happened to denying the thoughts you think,
where'd the lies go about how you really feel?
I'm starting to think that your breath was sweeter,
when it lacked innocence and certain kinds of fear.

*Soon you can't deny it completely,
cause no matter how you try,
you can never get rid of me
yet your going to desperate extremes.*

Stroking patterns of my pen, ink on my face,
and its for nothing but rolling eyes.
I'm having trouble seeing your love at all,
through the cracked and jagged edges of this glass.

These letters are useless now,
when you won't let the roots of my words unfold,
when you won't even open the note i sent,
I should of known not even fed-ex hearts can save us.
(No not even fed-ex hearts can save us now)

*Soon you can't deny it completely,
cause no matter how you try,
you can never get rid of me
yet your going to desperate extremes.*

So heres my heart, (my fed-ex heart)
and the manual to throw away.
I was a shiny new thing on the ground,
and you only picked me up to drop me,
(yea you only picked me up to drop me)

I wish you could read the words on my heart,
but your too busy marching the other way....
and I should of known,
not even fed-ex hearts can save us.

Disguise of Uncertainty

2009-11-20T23:34:00.001-05:00

Part VIII of Omitting My Confessions

If ure gunna kill me,

than be a man & watch me die.

Tell me you dont love me,

say it to my face this time.

Maybe im failing to except the loss,

but ure failing to care why

and maybe thats why im a childish fool

wanting the beast to be the man he is inside

I failed to show the world that the monster

is only a disguise of uncertainty

I failed to be important,

failed to be enough,

and ive failed to convince myself,

that Im not still in love with u.

and all i have to show,

is that now ive been denied.

Paper Hearts, Fires, and Air Conditioning

2009-11-08T21:55:00.002-05:00

PART VII of Omitting My Confessions

I'm spinning in circles,

to keep off of the ground.

But i'm falling faster now,

these circles only go down.

why are they a spiral,

thats a fall until the end?

why is this the end of the line,

when its doesnt have a start

I'm tired of artificial hugs,

that will never mean anything.

why is everything so fake,

when this world is so real,

and its everything we make it,

so whys this a circle with no end?

whys this a line without a start?

wheres God, and wheres love?

I'm tired of long goodbyes,

that are just blown away.

like the AC has more control,

of where they go than we do.

I'm making another paper heart,

just so you can tear it again.

attaching string to dangle it from,

so you can burn it slowly.

and this time i'll just cry,

cause old habits die hard,

and this ones dying slowly,

without the AC taking over.

I'm tired of artificial hugs,

that will never mean anything.

why is everything so fake,

when this world is so real,

and its everything we make it,

so whys this a circle with no end?

whys this a line without a start?

wheres God, and wheres love?

I'm tired of long goodbyes,

that are just blown away.

like the AC has more control,

of where they go than we do.

But the AC could make,

a wild fire out of what you've started,

until I'm martyred for you,

for believing in something more.

All of these wicked words,

are being spewed into my ears,

but im stuck here thinking,

see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

I'm tired of artificial hugs,

that will never mean anything.

why is everything so fake,

when this world is so real,

and its everything we make it,

so whys this a circle with no end?

whys this a line without a start?

wheres God, and wheres love?

I'm tired of long goodbyes,

that are just blown away.

like the AC has more control,

of where they go than we do.

I'm spinning in circles,
to keep off of the ground.
but this AC is succeeding,
in blowing me down...

Matters of Opinion; Zebras and Vampires

2009-11-05T23:24:00.001-05:00

Part VI of Omitting my Confessions

the phone is ringing,

you look to see who it is.

But you know very well,

the name thats on the screen.

you're gunna break soon,

i can feel it in this air.

And all of this time,

you were trying to compare.

But zebras and vampires,

overlap in small and simple ways.

Its a matter of opinion,

its a matter of who you are,

its like little boys with spaceships,

like little girls and dolls.

yet this time its our life,

this time its something more.

Its a phone we have to hang up,

and a promise we have to make.

make up your mind sir,

the light's either on or off,

i'm either here or im there,

and you either care or you don't.

So pick her up,

or let her down now.

Shes gunna move on,

and shes gunna come right back.

But zebras and vampires,

overlap in small and simple ways.

Its a matter of opinion,

its a matter of who you are,

its like little boys with spaceships,

like little girls and dolls.

yet this time its our life,

this time its something more.

Its a phone we have to hang up,

and a promise we have to make.

Don't you see this cycle?

don't you see this plan?

I'm tired of losing the same game,

to the same people,

I'm tired of effortless people,

effortless notes goodbye.

But zebras and vampires,

overlap in small and simple ways.

Its a matter of opinion,

its a matter of who you are,

its like little boys with spaceships,

like little girls and dolls.

yet this time its our life,

this time its something more.

Its a phone we have to hang up,

and a promise we have to make.

the phone is ringing,

you look to see who it is.

But you know very well,

the name is a ghost to kill.

Desperate to Know; Rubber Souls

2009-11-05T20:05:00.006-05:00

Part V of Omitting my Confessions

can you say goodbye without crying?

can you tell me the truth without lying?

Cause i'm becoming desperate to know,

what things could have been like.

I made a mistake,

but so did the world.

I'm questioning God,

he's saying we are crazy.

These lights are growing dimmer,

this tunnel's becoming thinner.

Sanity's in question,

as all these words are falling out.

can you say goodbye without crying?

can you tell me the truth without lying?

Cause i'm becoming desperate to know,

what things could have been like.

There's a mad man in the streets,

there's people without a home.

and their lives amount to nothing,

but there's happiness in their smile.

So if you can't kill what's dying,

then become someone you don't know.

Its just another pair of shoes to fill,

shoes with rubber souls.

can you say goodbye without crying?

can you tell me the truth without lying?

Cause i'm becoming desperate to know,

what things could have been like.

I made a mistake,
but so did the world.
I'm questioning God,
he's saying we are crazy....

Cast Away Wilson

2009-11-05T20:02:00.003-05:00

Part IV of Omitting my Confessions

why is it,

that talent isn't noticed..

these people know things,

but they ignore them all.

They can make mud out of water,

and create nothing from this sand.

When miracles surround them,

they never see them there.

So are these people just crazy,

or is there something else to blame?

Cause this is no longer a fight,

its just a pointless argument.

So cast away wilson,

this storm will never end.

gravity has been my enemy,

for keeping me on this ground.

im only asking for a prayer,

one person to please care.

But i'm stuck in this storm,
and like Wilson I can't die

this talent is saying sorry,

and its looking me in the face,

It's telling me life is over,

and its saying thats a fact.

I'm wondering what is mine,

I'm wondering if i'm alive.

the ocean holds my passion,

the horizon owns my mind,

these seasons are changing,

their lives are ever-new.

this willow has spent an eternity,

weeping my tears for me.

So cast away wilson,

this storm will never end.

gravity has been my enemy,

for keeping me on this ground.

im only asking for a prayer,

one person to please care.

But i'm stuck in this storm,
and like Wilson I can't die

gravity could be my enemy,

for keeping me on this ground..

[repeat]

so cast away wilson,

yea cast away wilson..

[repeat as necessary]

If science isn't nature,

and these people aren't good,

than who's to blame for evolution,

cause this system has a crack.

And i'm falling like crazy,

i'm just about to break.

When caffine can not hold me,

and this alarm clock's tone is dead.

I'm aiming for space I never needed,

your asking for things I didn't want.

and so whys this world falling,

whys this tree still crying for me?

So cast away wilson,

this storm will never end.

gravity has been my enemy,

for keeping me on this ground.

im only asking for a prayer,

one person to please care.

But i'm stuck in this storm,

and like Wilson I can't die

Theres nothing to find,

so dont even try,

not even wilson survived this storm,

and Wilson couldn't die.

Burn This Bridge; Invisible Man

2009-11-01T18:07:00.013-05:00

Part III of Omitting My Confessions

I wasted time to think about you,
invisible man without a heart.
I thought trust was just so easy,
but trusting you is hard.

Heres a mirror,
heres my proof you don't exist.
I can see right through you now,
this sun will fade you till your dust.

Burn this bridge,
and burn it fast.
You'll look back,
but don't look down.
you only live,
in someone else's mind.
You're just a page
within my journal,
your just another
bridge to burn.

you walk through walls,
ignoring that i can't follow.
Show up days later trying
to apologize through clenched teeth.

Heres a letter,
heres my proof that i am gone.
I can see right past the memories,
this life will bring you to your end.

Burn this bridge,
and burn it fast.
You'll look back,
but don't look down.
you only live,
in someone else's mind.
You're just a page
within my journal,
your just another
bridge to burn.

So what more,
what more proof could you ask for?
You're living life on insecurities,
and i'm not the one to break your fall.

I wasted time to try to save you,
invisible man without a heart.
I thought I could love you,
but theres no such thing as loving you...

Ode to a Tin Man; Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2009-10-18T17:16:00.002-04:00

Part II of Omitting My Confessions

Look up to the paper moon some time,
The one that hangs over the cardboard trees.
I know you think its all make believe,
But it wouldn’t be if you believed in me.

If you warmed up your glass heart enough,
You’d know you’re not such a bad tin man.
You let me into your world bit by bit,
And I oiled your ways with an unused can.

I’ve been too cowardly,
but I’ve acted so tough,
I needed some courage;
you saw through my bluff.

And I followed the yellow-brick road
to find your aching heart.
You never knew I loved you,
Not even at the start.

Our friend’s got his reasons,
For being so wrong.
For a man who’s brain is straw
He’s been pretty true all along.

So make this my ode to a tin man,
Though things fell through in the end.
Make this my acceptance of people,
And the way life has been.

Maybe Dorothy’s not in Kansas,
but homes not far away.
Maybe we're just finding bends,
and still walking in straight lines.
Our dreams are so much bigger,
than even we can comprehend,
and these poppies are working hard,
to make us just give in.
But you're not so rusted anymore,
and you're learning you have a heart;
because you can't hear it doesn't mean,
that you lack the ability to love.
Though things are long since gone,
just an apparition, not a dream,
Since Dorothy's gone back home to Kansas,
and since we went our separate ways...

I have to tell you one last time, tin man,
that I can never move on from this.
I can't ever deny I love you,
and I can't say your not what i'll miss.

When You Remember You're Alive

2009-10-17T13:55:00.003-04:00

You woke up from a coma,

to forget the burdens that you bore.

And so your memory is faded,

you've forgotten what love & life are for.

Unlike you i still remember,

how bad you wished to just let go.

It's too depressing to ignore,

I feel I've now become your foe.

It was one thing to talk of leaving,

of amnesia and of other things,

But now i'm waiting for a smile,

for you to remember your alive.

Escaping isn't the way to go,

when someday, you'll wanna come back.

Sometimes you forget who you are,

your brains empty, but your suitcase packed.

You were the soul color,

that changed my world of black and whites.

You saved me and you let me down,

like a leaf you gave into fading away.

But when will you remember your alive?

Brick By Brick

2009-10-15T18:35:00.003-04:00

you left all these things in the wind,

in hopes that there were better things.

And i suppose you found those things,

cause you've left us in the dust.

But its not fair the way this has worked,

you blink to find what you love is gone..

to find that they've moved on beyond this sea..

that they have left you behind to drown.

So have your way,

i'm sinking faster than quicksand..

and this time no ones there to save me..

no this time no ones there to save me from you.

So why did you run so fast to catch a boat,

that didn't have reason to set sail?

Why did you build this sand castle up so high,

when you knew i wouldn't try to escape?

What made you build this brick by brick,

when all you're doing is making a grave of sand?

and tell me why you ran so fast,

when the damage was already done.

So have your way,

i'm choking on the sand that falls..

cause this time no body wants to fight..

yea this time no body wants to fight back.

so i found the water that your boat pushed back,

caused me to drown in the depths at last.

So this castle fell brick by brick,

your designs worked out and you didn't see.

Further Seems Forever; Tear Drops & Train Rides

2009-10-10T22:51:00.009-04:00

drowning in tear drops

every time i go to dream.

who knew sighs could form

such lonely puddles of trust.

So much for long goodbyes,

there's only a train ride home.

past whispers of sweet nothings,

are empty shells of what have been.

you cut your brown hair,

and shed light on the real you,

but closed your glowing eyes,

till you could look away.

Because there's a new cause,

though I may have been a first,

but no moral has been wasted,

just a couple thousand kisses.

and thats just another thing i miss,

the beautiful lips that let words slip,

smoothly forming shapes of love,

putting others words to shame.

Its become so wrong to love you,

when i've already lost this war.

I don't see the beacon of hope,

that would tell me to keep fighting.

So where'd your love go?

and why did it fade away?

was it a mistake,

or just my fault once again?

So i'm on the longest trip,

on a train thats not fast enough.

Wishing to watch the world blur past,

to let me sit and imagine other places.

Nature will take its own course,

only slightly moved by the train.

Showing just how unlikely we will ever

leave a footprint in this sand.

Walking through this beach,

in the middle of a storm,

theres no longer time,

to sift through memories with our feet.

Who said we couldn't try though,

this beach is not the one to kill us,

While we look back through those times,

we watched the sun become the moon.

And we watched the angels as they sang;

the steeples a shelter from us all.

They whispered "hallelujah" in my ear,

and flew away into the night--

but where'd they go,

and how'd they get there?

Is this a secret i'll never know,

or just a question i should ask them?

Cause further seems like forever,

when you're in the car thats leaving home.

You look back just to see his face,

midst the dirt roads' flown up dust.

But he's not waving a goodbye,

he's turned his back to you again,

cause those green eyes want something else,

and that heart's already gone.

So this long train ride's going nowhere,

i can't escape the love I feel.

A broken glass reflecting nothing,

but you wish for once it would.

Cause you can't see into the distance,

the mirrors' now a spider web of fears.

No longer useful to depend on,

the images can not be repaired.

A fan blows cold air towards you,

picks your face up from the glass,

you smell the one thing you remember

a hug clings to your wrinkled shirt.

that sweet scent is fading away,

like everything else it can not last.

The farther you can get from him,

the less you can see him in your mind.

And thats alright now,

cause you're not ready yet to face,

anything that lies beyond this train...

anything that lies beneath these tears.

I've tried for so long,

to conquer these dreams about angels,

but even in my sleep,

they're looking down upon me now.

their words echo in dark corners,

singing songs softly to me,

bittersweet lullabies,

etching warm tears into my face.

I lose the one I love,

and even my dreams frown at me,

Even they know that this train,

is a mistake for me to be on.

So what's a train ride home,

when you don't know home anymore.

What's this life really about,

when all we gain is a dead little tree.

Why didn't the tree,

bloom as it should have?

If only it hadn't drown,

swallowed in tear drops and trains.

Maybe then I wouldn't think,

that further seems forever.

These Empty Streets; Jaywalking

2009-10-04T18:45:00.004-04:00

You can't let go now..

though you're so right;

everyday you will get up

and feel worse than the day before.

There will always be,

days you want to die.

there will always be

times to look forward to..

or to look back on

and just flat out regret them completely.

After suicide attempts,

I've come to realize,

that its not that I dont have the strength,

it's just that I'm still clinging on

to the hope for something more.

You will realize,

that a gun can look appealing,

that a knife can look less painful

then it ever did before..

but what does it look like,

to the people who lose you?

It looks like a waste of a bullet..

it looks like a dirtied knife..

and what good is such a loss?

To leave them behind to cry over you?

to leave them at a loss forever?

to leave them with the possible thought

that it was there fault you gave up?

Some people are scared.

Can you really blame them?

Society has made everyone look,

suspiciously at other people.

and they cast wrongful light

on a past that hadn't ever been their fault.

Cause we live

in such a dreadful world

that will condemn you,

for walking at diagonals on a street.

We pay fines for that....

just for that you see.

And these empty streets,

are only empty to you and me

Cause we've got one eye closed,

to the gruesome sight around us;

its filled with city bums,

and people who just don't care.

To them, what difference will it make,

but to us, its a frightening fact,

cause we've been where they are,

we've slept in the allies,

and clung to our few belongings.

These empty streets aren't worth,

Jaywalking through,

when we know we're being followed;

that people are watching for us to fall,

tripping on the little things,

so we can fall like angels from high places.

People are uncaring and selfish..

they will be demeaning and judgmental..

you will find many friends..

who will never be your friend.

and thats the truth..

thats the reality of this life.

It doesn't make things any easier..

it doesn't make it right..

but its not worth killing yourself for.

You've had a hard life..

you've been an amazing person..

you made a mistake

and regretted it immensely...

and you moved on,

but this troubled world did not.

And then you met trouble

and through trouble you met fate..

and now you've helped us..

and i suppose that we've helped you.

But in the end,

what is this all worth?

Crying Surrender

2009-10-04T18:29:00.005-04:00

My heart is crying love notes,

my tears run down blood red.

Church bells toll against me,

a chime i wish would end.

A letter he finally sent uncaring,

unkind to write me of this.

Love I had spilled out in volumes,

that vanished, engulfed in his flame.

Now he pretends that he knows me,

that he wants me a friend to his life.

So cleanly sliced into sections,

a remark he retorts later on.

He'd lure me into a corner,

kissing me till i can't breath.

But a knife, his own concealed weapon,

an attack to leave me on the floor.

So cruel love can turn out to be,

a disaster worse than ever before.

To leave you crying surrender,

though your heart still beats for him.

When you know you'll never love another,

that these letters are stapled to your heart.

How are you to get past loving,

by the time the chimes come to an end?

Only Time Will Tell

2009-10-03T16:09:00.003-04:00

When things are at an end,

and you know that they are over,

Do you listen to a friend,

thought they hate the one you love.

When pushing comes to shoving,

and you're stuck on the wrong side,

Do you stand up for what you believe in,

or sit down so you won't fight?

Cause at the end of the day,

these things are more than just questions.

They turn over stones in your life,

to reveal the good and bad.

But only time will tell you,

what these lessons soon will teach you.

Cause each map will lead you somewhere,

and each step leads you closer still.

When you were still so little,

and your daddy sung you to sleep,

Did you dream about his singing,

or did you dream the stories he told?

When finally you were older,

and you loved your first boyfriend,

Did your heart ever mend,

when you lost him to the wind?

Cause at the end of the day,

my face is stained with tears I cry,

These stones are getting colder,

predicting only what i've lost.

So when will time ever tell you--

these lessons have gone up in flames.

Cause theres enough damage now,

to ruin childrens dreams of love.

So please tell me when time will tell,

cause its all over anyways.

When you wake up from reading stories,

what will time tell you?

Fears to Tears

2009-10-01T17:59:00.003-04:00

Fears to tears,

you get up each day trying,

your heart is in your head,

because inside your heart is crying.

Everyday seems just the same,

you try to fake a smile,

but each smile remains unchanged;

your a master of disguise.

Silence becomes your manner,

a practiced way to learn your place.

Books become your mind,

your imagination comes from these.

but the pages you turn in life,

you later regret reading.

They remind you of past things,

and the people that you've lost.

So why should these days be any different,

then the ones you had before?

Whys the sky expected to be bluer,

when its blue as it can get?

Why are we all involved in lying,

when these are the people we trust?

Why is change the thing we want,

when change is what we hate?

This world is helplessly ignoring,

the people who need us most.

we're too absorbed in other things,

that we block out the orphans crying.

And if an angel we're to fly by,

I bet you no one would see it,

because miracles in your life,

have become only what you read.

I could say your mother died,

and i'd have wasted my own breath.

You see this civilization,

demands an uncaring heart.

We block out the world so well,

with phones and computer games.

To the point that love doesn't matter;

we jump relationships in days.

Tell me whats the point,

in these things we've resorted to.

A life of violent living,

a society of horrible things.

When will life ever change,

to a life we'd enjoy to lead?

Gold Digger

2009-09-30T17:55:00.002-04:00

This is no longer fair,
You’re ignoring me so easily,
And I know that you don’t care,
But it kills me when your name shows up.

My screen prints it before me,
And it looks so sweet and yet so cold.
Leaving you in silence,
to wonder what went wrong.

Maybe that’s what happens,
When things end so mistakenly,
On one side of the wall,
But not on the other.

What bridge am I to burn,
When I’m not the one who lit the match?
What fight this is to know,
When understanding could be a grave?

So many have told,
that where there's good, there is evil.
Some say where there is gold,
there is a gold digger not far behind.

But what's there left to dig for,
besides graves, and darker places?
Cause where theres gold,
there's a deeper hole to be dug.

God Found Me Today

2009-09-26T16:03:00.001-04:00

I met a man today,

who can paint the wind and sky.

His brush pours out emotion,

and the colors will never die.

And as this old man faded,

I found these colors were his soul,

His heart became the people,

his love became the world.

Two months pass from then,

but this time its a girl.

Homeless and shes begging,

despite poverty, shes endured.

All she's got is a bible,

and all she wants is a prayer,

I find I can just leave her,

So I take her under my care.

Some people say they found him,

some people don't even try.

But the old man taught me something;

God found me today.

Bullet for the World

2009-09-25T15:59:00.003-04:00

He's looking up,

cause he knows i'm looking down.

And I just noticed,

that my ground will never touch his sky.

So i'm following roots,

that lead me into great depths,

and i'm not looking back again,

cause i know he's flown away.

Down here youre in the silence

that death surely instills.

Considering i'm the reason,

that everythings gone wrong.

He's left me with a gun,

and he knows my aim is poor.

It's only got one bullet,

and its a bullet for the world.

Its a shot thats not worth missing,

its poison incased with lead.

It's one shot towards my freedom,

or one shot till i'm dead.

Slowly Going No Where

2009-09-24T15:54:00.003-04:00

Heaven is crying

but the suns still hot

The people are sighing,

the rain fills their pot.

And board games,

are for exciting people

homeless never came,

to any church without a steeple.

Cause hell is looking feisty,

while heaven's looking icy.

We're entertaining God now,

but satans on the prowl.

You think you'll win a battle,

but you forgot this is a war,

We're slowly going no where,

and no where's coming fast.

Omitting My Confessions

2009-09-23T04:00:00.001-04:00

PART I of Omitting My Confessions

Omitting My Confessions

theres a monster in my closet,
a ghost outside my door,
Bloody Marys in my mirror,
poor soul, she's pretty bored.
but my life is missing something,
a man between my sheets,
echos promise nothing,
just remind me of what could be..

[ refrain: ]
So call me lonely tonight,
call it anything you will.
call it individuality,
cause trust me I've had my fill
call it a reason to dream,
and act the way I do,
but call me lonely tonight,
until the mornings new.

I'm so completely surrounded,
by these faces I hardly know,
they try to understand you,
but fools are just your foe.
they're all so insecure,
yet they act so real it's fake.
you should try to act this way,
do your makeup, peice of cake.

[ refrain ]
So call me heartless tonight,
call it anything you will.
call it individuality,
cause trust me I've had my fill.
Call it a reason to want more,
and act the way I do,
but call me heartless, call me lonely,
until the mornings new.

so why's my compass pointing me,
towards the closet, towards my door,
why's it telling me that Mary,
is deep down wanting more?
cause none of these things have held my answer,
not even the right key,
and I'm surronded and feeling lonely,
won't you call me tonight?

[ refrain ]
please call me lonely tonight,
I feel so in disguise...
so call me lonely tonight,
i've been your rock in hard, hard places
and I know these things are sins,
but I'm ommitting my confessions,
cause it's a freebe on my test,
and I'm failing anyways
my name tag's feeling empty,
so lonely tonight...
I'm looking for a reason,
to cause a little mayhem.

I've got a monster in my closet,
and he's looking for a friend,
theres a ghost outside my door,
with relationships to mend
{speed up}
Bloody Mary has nothing to do,
poor soul, she's pretty bored tonight,
{slow}
and they all seem so forgotten,
yet so hard to just ignore...
{repeat last two lines}

Secret Deceptions

2009-09-17T22:16:00.004-04:00

PART XI of Lost Romantics

no more sleep,

vision clouded like overcast skies,

words will kill,

but so will the lack there of.

I thought i was dying,

because of secret deceptions,

when really im breathing,

as you're frozen with lies.

How'd things end up this way,

the way i feared they would?

Dreams can be nightmares,

but my dreamcatcher didn't catch this.

So i'm looking for holes,

a gap in the design of things,

a mistake in a woven pattern,

or just a broken thread.

But i'm finding nothing different,

so tell me is this why the words have run down?

no more trust,

its a man-made pond run out of water,

its no reservoir,

it's just a false lake made for us to stare at.

In the Darkness of Night

2009-09-16T10:02:00.001-04:00

PART X of Lost Romantics

i forgot no world is perfect,

no words are ever just right.

We lose someone,

& we never stop weeping for them.

We turn back to them,

to see them turn away.

In the mist of morning,

and the deathly darkness of night,

we wander aimlessly wanting,

our minds dreaming silent thoughts.

You see him walk down the road,

you run closer to catch up,

You run faster and faster,

till the truth is mapped out before you,

Tearful eyes dont block her out,

and screams dont make it fake,

as you see him next to you,

and know that he can't see you anymore.

You've disappeared and now he's,

holding her hand, as you cry.

Finally losing the man you love,

the one you pushed away to bring back.

Such a misconception,

now such a loss

I never knew,

that living involves dying inside.

You get blessed,

with only one good thing at a time,

and then the wind blows it away,

you watch it flow with the current.

And like all good things,

it floats away in the darkness of the night.

Goodbye to Love

2009-09-11T19:17:00.000-04:00

PART IX of Lost Romantics

unable to cry any harder,

unable to get any sleep.

unable to think of anyone else..

unable to enjoy the rain,

beating on my window..

because there's no longer

anyone to enjoy it with..

and my sky's fading

to darkk grey before me.

No more messages,

or warm embraces..

no more loitering by desks,

or things to impress.

Goodbye to love,

you finally beat me hard enough.

Je t'aime mon petit chou.

Misconceptions

2009-09-11T14:19:00.000-04:00

PART VIII of Lost Romantics

Never know what you've got,

until you've lost it once or twice.

You'll never know who you are,

without a reason, or some strife.

And you'll never feel loved enough,

though you'll love him still the same.

In turning around you'll face away,

& learn the words were misunderstood.

September eleventh, a day i wont forget

too many fallen soldiers.. & one broken heart.

Hearing the voices screaming inside,

like the people who were killed in the tower.

I wanted to sleep and dream tonight..

not to have to believe this nightmare.

to know you want no other,

to know that you'll always love just him,

To cry yourself to sleep each night,

till the colors etch the sky.

He decorated my heart,

with more love than anyone else.

I loved him so damn much,

that my love could be my death.

Now i'm supposed to wait,

for a tree to come back home.

The winds not blowing my way,

so hopeless is this fight.

Yea, parting is such sweet sorrow,

though sorrow it is still..

Houdini isn't leaving,

she's not ready to give up.

So twisted were the words,

that were uttered from his mouth,

So unsure i was to follow,

that i tripped on the uptake.

what do you do when someone
didn't tell the truth..
& you end the thing you love most,
because you think their cheating?

what do you do when you want to say sorry
& beg for forgiveness,
because you know you were wrong
to believe the thing you heard?

what do you do to show them one last time
that you want them,
& that you'll love them till you die??

Half & Half

2009-09-06T16:54:00.000-04:00

PART VII of Lost Romantics

You try your hardest to succeed,

& you've been so very human & failed in life,

you would walk miles in a storm,

to see the one you love, and get turned away,

you would try to write her a letter a day while she's away,

& whether you failed or not, you tried,

its all of these things you do so right,

that kept me alive during this strife.

You're like the music that keeps me alive,

the beat keeps me breathing & the words make me cry,

You're like a nice dosage of half and half,

a mixture that no one could ever live without,

But you can never stop at just one sip,

its like a craving that you start to miss.

You're like a good kiss on a random park bench,

when the sun is out shinning, or the rain is at play..

All these things are just part of you,

and deep down inside, you know this is true.

So whether or not you'll play along,

with people who cry and write these songs,

will depend on your willingness to trust,

a heart that finds you as a must.

Alex's Song

2009-09-06T15:58:00.000-04:00

PART VI of Lost Romantics

Insanities got a price,

one some are willing to pay.

When theres nowhere else to go,

no place to call your own,

will you be laughing still,

or fall to the depths of fear.

Will the silence scare you still,

will the voices make you unsound.

will the rain beat you down tonight,

& will the echos still resound?

Will the people call you crazy,

will they know that your long gone.

will they try to understand you,

or will they shrink away from you?

Its not the pain God gives us

that makes us who we are,

but what we do with that pain,

that makes us prosper and endure.

Insanity may impair us,

may destroy the thing we were,

But its not the thing that kills us,

its just another trial to fail.

Its not always the voices,

its just the need to die,

its a feeling thats within you,

its a thought that doesnt cease.

It happens when a loved one,

leaves with no goodbye,

A painful question that lingers,

hallucinations that cloud your mind.

A want for that one person,

the one he lost in time,

A girl who ran from nothing,

because of others words.

No reason to forget her,

he wants to cry and cry,

Not fair to love another,

for surely he would die.

So unfair is romance,

a day or two it lasts.

It still leaves you to stumble,

and to drown within your past.

Like a cup of wine intices,

loves potion poisons too,

clouding your mind in dillusion,

then leaves you with a mess.

Days Away & No Way He's Coming Home

2009-09-04T21:13:00.000-04:00

PART V of Lost Romantics

Remind me please, what's it like knowing he'll come home

just for you everyday that he is alive,

sorry that he missed an hour of time,

having to go somewhere for even five.

And remind me what its like to know he loves you so,

maybe even more than you think you'll ever know.

So whats it like, i wanna see this through others eyes..

because my own luck has lucked me out.

and im the one forgetting what true love is,

in lacking what i lack, ive found a void to fill.

This time feeling empty, im wanting so much more,

but im not so ready to, so easily let him kill.

Candles and Matches

2009-09-02T22:41:00.003-04:00

PART IV of Lost Romantics

If you looked at me now,

i wonder what you'd thinkk.

im no different, than i ever was,

just the broken down wreck,

that the train leaves behind,

when it cant slow down.

I wonder if you see that,

the girl inside, needs you more,

than a dancer wants to dance,

or than a musician would ever play.

I'm needing you like a blank staff,

silently begging for notes.

you've been my toy soldier,

while i've spun in circles again,

singing the same endless tune,

starting to fade in and out.

yet you stand there watching,

winding me back up to full speed,

as i begin again, to try to impress.

she feel like a fool, a dance for two,

performed by one sad lonely child.

but her story's the one now told,

not excuse shes been giving him.

But hes actually sitting down watching,

now knowing where he went wrong,

as his ballerina performs,

unaware he still cares beneath it all.

Hes been feeling hopeless,

wondering where he ever went wrong.

But together wasn't so perfect,

they felt the love & indifference,

she was just a child of exaggeration,

while he was a man of the destructional site.

Two paired making a depressing tangle,

of burnt out candles and matches.

I dont want to be that girl anymore,

living the lie i make for myself to believe.

I want to just feel this music live in me,

and not feel the burning of my past.

Because im not perfect, but neither is he,

im no exceptional beauty or genius.

But i want to fly to the one who knows,

how to dance this tango the right way.

I want to look into his eyes,

as that candle puddles wax dreams for me,

and lay on the floor and not care,

that i've got nowhere real to go.

I want to open a window,

letting my death wishes blow away.

Knowing they are no longer,

a mistake i want to make in my life.

Maybe youre not my genius,

or my answer to every question.

But youre the made up reality,

that i had to form him to be.

Your love for me is much grander,

than Mozarts latin composition of life.

You make my heart soar to new heights,

higher than the sky i imagined.

but im just the same poor girl,

you saw right from the start of things.

I may lay on the floor in black dresses,

crying tears of the years ive killed.

But under this makeup and design,

nothing has changed what you loved most.

Im still the same composer whose notes,

have escaped the paper & gone to my head.

So i'll be flying like a bird in the air,

on the next flight home to you.

To face one last rejection,

or to say hello to the part untouched,

of our hollowed out tree we use,

to store the secrets of our past.

To get a chance to light the last spark,

before love finally burns out for me.

Diversions Spell

2009-08-26T21:29:00.001-04:00

PART III of Lost Romantics

hit me any harder,
with pain you call your own,
& one day you'll look back,
to find you're all alone.
you're spinning my world one way,
then reversing [the] cycle's spell,
so you can flee [in] diversion,
to push me to say farewell.
i'm over being hurt now,
i wish you'd just use words,
i ask you if you love me,
you nod, your words are slurred.
Created by your actions,
answered by your air,
you're slowly drowning me out, now,
don't even pretend to care.

One, Two, Three

2009-08-02T16:42:00.001-04:00

PART II of Lost Romantics

Im counting to three,

& holding my breath for you baby,

You pull up a chair,

& sit back, watching this beating,

With blank stares,

& emotionless faces.

So whatever happened,

to taking one for the team?

Can't you even fake a smile,

just to end this beating?

Underneath the Willow

2009-08-01T19:05:00.001-04:00

PART I of Lost Romantics

my willow is weeping,
this is over my head.
he looks at me now,
like i should be dead.
crying is destined,
silence is key.
my one way street,
swallowed in the sea.
hope has me failing,
love has me blind.
truth comes in numbers,
sometimes unkind.

Misery Incorporated

2009-07-24T19:39:00.001-04:00

Her roads kind of windy,
a bit of a mess,
and she's not sleeping,
nightmares she's living,
But misery's incorporated,
as she lays dying,
unable to resist,
the darkness thats blinding,
more things eat her inside,
than she's ever showed,
in the amount of years,
she's been around.

Pay attention,
to the deadly drones,
of his requiem,
playing its own tune.
Somehow,
misery's incorporated,
in its own deadly reason,
its own suffering,
never to have an ending,
never to be complete.
In its killing,
its slowly wounded itself.

If you listen,
to the winds harsh gale,
you'll hear the cries,
of the lonely and scared.
Yea, Misery's incorporated,
in their dying
unable to face,
such a brutal beating.
In death,
they'll find more,
than they ever found,
in living this life.

So are you listening?
are you paying attention?
cause this worlds,
not so harmless.
Your just helpless,
cause misery's incorporated,
and your not even aware,
not even feeling death.
your not even taking,
the final breath your allowed.

My Kind of Opera

2009-06-23T01:40:00.002-04:00

Your words too true,
wispers soft in my ear,
causing more pain than known;
the bandits fleeting course.

Relived of a nightmare..
indeed, one is now gone.
but oh how mistaken he'd be,
thinking the nightmare was our past.

Phantom may I be,
scared and masked darkly,
hiding the pain and the fear,
secretly singing seduction.

An opera written to be understood,
you've failed to see the plot.
Listen, love, it's Juliets turn,
to kill herself once again.

Past's bandit is revealed,
to be nothing of the sort.
but pains reeked havik,
and blinded my poor heart.

To deny things are over,
would not be quite true.
Yet this matters not settled,
a calmer response from me is due.

See behind you, turn around,
is your future life, a love thats true.
but in front of you's no monster,
just a girl who missed her cue.

Anger got the better of me,
I guilted you so wrongly.
though you tore my heart in two,
and denied some things way back.
The truth came out, only afterwords,
which killed me in the end.
but you're not the one to die for me,
you're not leo or Romeo.

Apology this may well be,
for being Houdini for so long.
Though the daggers that peirced,
came from your sheath,
I'm supposed to recover,
not supposed to be feirce.

As a phantom I'm not too lonely now,
though my operas always in flames.
Farenheight kills us & makes us evernew,
an opera in peices, a moon oh so blue.

My masked savior,
no different than me,
has fixed a brokenness
left shattered by you.
No more harsh words,
of hate for that though,
the math does make sense,
the answer is two.

The days we stayed up,
our kind of bliss.
a reverie I loved dearly,
now also sorely missed.

it killed me you gave up,
when I didn't disappear.
you moved on so quickly,
leaving worthlessness as me.
forgiving wasn't easy,
though not a thing to regret.
forgetting was decieving,
considering I've not got alzheimers.

Your offer of friendship,
too much to bear.
It's not you thats the reason,
just the things we cant share.

Your shadow sorely lingered,
Houdini got a grasp.
When cancer tried to kill her,
you hid behind some mask.

I wronged you then,
and I'm sorry for that.
your sheild fled the scene,
not protecting or helping you..
the things you hid though,
scared me to know.
You were so right,
I wouldve let you go.

Behind this shadowed mask,
things have never changed.
It's just a girl who's scared again
Not wanting to be hurt.

I thinkk you must have turned,
and seen some brighter light.
cause the things I'm seein now,
are only the ceilings above.

You've become so distant,
you'll look back only to see,
Houdinis deathly sickness,
never did occur.

please consider this a final opera,
in a phantoms quest for more.
no life would be worth something,
if the phantom didn't die in vain.

Death to a Scientist.... maybe he'll get the message

2009-06-18T01:46:00.002-04:00

death of a science,
the logic gone askew.
you used to act so civil,
we'd talk the whole night through.
we both miscalculated,
science and nature don't pair.
a question of running in circles,
but now i'm sitting in squares.

you'd tell me stories,
i'd ask you questions,
you'd sit and cry,
and id stare at ceilings.

i thought that the answers,
were hiding from me.
but now i see the answers,
didn't lie with you.

science became progress,
progress was love, was defeat.
and all of the emotion,
clouded out my heart.

days turned into weeks,
weeks turned into months.
four months of sweet insanity,
insanity finally betrayed.

now science is finally ended,
it's all dead and gone.
a scientist oh so lonely,
he had to lie to be loved.

so i'll tell you now it's over,
i'll tell you that i'm gone.
all that i said was true then,
it's just not anymore.
no one ever told you,
i'd always be right there.
and guess what now i'm not,
i've dissapeared, im done.

we flipped all of our coins,
and head and tails both won.
don't bother ever counting,
don't apologize.

nobody said it was easy,
and now we are apart.
that dance has long been over,
i dont miss our troubled start.

just forget that you ever loved me,
don't come back to haunt.
our future is ancient history,
and of course you missed your part.

why didn't you trust me,
why didn't you tell me?
were you the blind one,
or can you not see?
theres some kind of difference,
between your story and the truth,
the scientist lost his logic,
his disease is his defeat.
his life, his love, his pleasure,
all beneath his feet,
all along the way,
he's lost even his name.
to me his mask is gone now,
the phantom lost his game.

he'll write to me more entries,
beg me now to care.
maybe he'll tell me he needs me,
maybe he'll tell me he's there.
but now it's way past time,
for him to go back to the start.
death to a scientist only--
his ending is to part.