Gold Digger

This is no longer fair,
You’re ignoring me so easily,
And I know that you don’t care,
But it kills me when your name shows up.

My screen prints it before me,
And it looks so sweet and yet so cold.
Leaving you in silence,
to wonder what went wrong.

Maybe that’s what happens,
When things end so mistakenly,
On one side of the wall,
But not on the other.

What bridge am I to burn,
When I’m not the one who lit the match?
What fight this is to know,
When understanding could be a grave?

So many have told,
that where there's good, there is evil.
Some say where there is gold,
there is a gold digger not far behind.

But what's there left to dig for,
besides graves, and darker places?
Cause where theres gold,
there's a deeper hole to be dug.

God Found Me Today

I met a man today,

who can paint the wind and sky.

His brush pours out emotion,

and the colors will never die.

And as this old man faded,

I found these colors were his soul,

His heart became the people,

his love became the world.

Two months pass from then,

but this time its a girl.

Homeless and shes begging,

despite poverty, shes endured.

All she's got is a bible,

and all she wants is a prayer,

I find I can just leave her,

So I take her under my care.

Some people say they found him,

some people don't even try.

But the old man taught me something;

God found me today.

Bullet for the World

He's looking up,

cause he knows i'm looking down.

And I just noticed,

that my ground will never touch his sky.

So i'm following roots,

that lead me into great depths,

and i'm not looking back again,

cause i know he's flown away.

Down here youre in the silence

that death surely instills.

Considering i'm the reason,

that everythings gone wrong.

He's left me with a gun,

and he knows my aim is poor.

It's only got one bullet,

and its a bullet for the world.

Its a shot thats not worth missing,

its poison incased with lead.

It's one shot towards my freedom,

or one shot till i'm dead.

Slowly Going No Where

Heaven is crying

but the suns still hot

The people are sighing,

the rain fills their pot.

And board games,

are for exciting people

homeless never came,

to any church without a steeple.

Cause hell is looking feisty,

while heaven's looking icy.

We're entertaining God now,

but satans on the prowl.

You think you'll win a battle,

but you forgot this is a war,

We're slowly going no where,

and no where's coming fast.

Omitting My Confessions

PART I of Omitting My Confessions

Omitting My Confessions

theres a monster in my closet,
a ghost outside my door,
Bloody Marys in my mirror,
poor soul, she's pretty bored.
but my life is missing something,
a man between my sheets,
echos promise nothing,
just remind me of what could be..

[ refrain: ]
So call me lonely tonight,
call it anything you will.
call it individuality,
cause trust me I've had my fill
call it a reason to dream,
and act the way I do,
but call me lonely tonight,
until the mornings new.

I'm so completely surrounded,
by these faces I hardly know,
they try to understand you,
but fools are just your foe.
they're all so insecure,
yet they act so real it's fake.
you should try to act this way,
do your makeup, peice of cake.

[ refrain ]
So call me heartless tonight,
call it anything you will.
call it individuality,
cause trust me I've had my fill.
Call it a reason to want more,
and act the way I do,
but call me heartless, call me lonely,
until the mornings new.

so why's my compass pointing me,
towards the closet, towards my door,
why's it telling me that Mary,
is deep down wanting more?
cause none of these things have held my answer,
not even the right key,
and I'm surronded and feeling lonely,
won't you call me tonight?

[ refrain ]
please call me lonely tonight,
I feel so in disguise...
so call me lonely tonight,
i've been your rock in hard, hard places
and I know these things are sins,
but I'm ommitting my confessions,
cause it's a freebe on my test,
and I'm failing anyways
my name tag's feeling empty,
so lonely tonight...
I'm looking for a reason,
to cause a little mayhem.

I've got a monster in my closet,
and he's looking for a friend,
theres a ghost outside my door,
with relationships to mend
{speed up}
Bloody Mary has nothing to do,
poor soul, she's pretty bored tonight,
{slow}
and they all seem so forgotten,
yet so hard to just ignore...
{repeat last two lines}

Secret Deceptions

PART XI of Lost Romantics

no more sleep,

vision clouded like overcast skies,

words will kill,

but so will the lack there of.

I thought i was dying,

because of secret deceptions,

when really im breathing,

as you're frozen with lies.

How'd things end up this way,

the way i feared they would?

Dreams can be nightmares,

but my dreamcatcher didn't catch this.

So i'm looking for holes,

a gap in the design of things,

a mistake in a woven pattern,

or just a broken thread.

But i'm finding nothing different,

so tell me is this why the words have run down?

no more trust,

its a man-made pond run out of water,

its no reservoir,

it's just a false lake made for us to stare at.

In the Darkness of Night

PART X of Lost Romantics

i forgot no world is perfect,

no words are ever just right.

We lose someone,

& we never stop weeping for them.

We turn back to them,

to see them turn away.

In the mist of morning,

and the deathly darkness of night,

we wander aimlessly wanting,

our minds dreaming silent thoughts.

You see him walk down the road,

you run closer to catch up,

You run faster and faster,

till the truth is mapped out before you,

Tearful eyes dont block her out,

and screams dont make it fake,

as you see him next to you,

and know that he can't see you anymore.

You've disappeared and now he's,

holding her hand, as you cry.

Finally losing the man you love,

the one you pushed away to bring back.

Such a misconception,

now such a loss

I never knew,

that living involves dying inside.

You get blessed,

with only one good thing at a time,

and then the wind blows it away,

you watch it flow with the current.

And like all good things,

it floats away in the darkness of the night.

Goodbye to Love

PART IX of Lost Romantics

unable to cry any harder,

unable to get any sleep.

unable to think of anyone else..

unable to enjoy the rain,

beating on my window..

because there's no longer

anyone to enjoy it with..

and my sky's fading

to darkk grey before me.

No more messages,

or warm embraces..

no more loitering by desks,

or things to impress.

Goodbye to love,

you finally beat me hard enough.

Je t'aime mon petit chou.

Misconceptions

PART VIII of Lost Romantics

Never know what you've got,

until you've lost it once or twice.

You'll never know who you are,

without a reason, or some strife.

And you'll never feel loved enough,

though you'll love him still the same.

In turning around you'll face away,

& learn the words were misunderstood.

September eleventh, a day i wont forget

too many fallen soldiers.. & one broken heart.

Hearing the voices screaming inside,

like the people who were killed in the tower.

I wanted to sleep and dream tonight..

not to have to believe this nightmare.

to know you want no other,

to know that you'll always love just him,

To cry yourself to sleep each night,

till the colors etch the sky.

He decorated my heart,

with more love than anyone else.

I loved him so damn much,

that my love could be my death.

Now i'm supposed to wait,

for a tree to come back home.

The winds not blowing my way,

so hopeless is this fight.

Yea, parting is such sweet sorrow,

though sorrow it is still..

Houdini isn't leaving,

she's not ready to give up.

So twisted were the words,

that were uttered from his mouth,

So unsure i was to follow,

that i tripped on the uptake.

what do you do when someone
didn't tell the truth..
& you end the thing you love most,
because you think their cheating?

what do you do when you want to say sorry
& beg for forgiveness,
because you know you were wrong
to believe the thing you heard?

what do you do to show them one last time
that you want them,
& that you'll love them till you die??

Half & Half

PART VII of Lost Romantics

You try your hardest to succeed,

& you've been so very human & failed in life,

you would walk miles in a storm,

to see the one you love, and get turned away,

you would try to write her a letter a day while she's away,

& whether you failed or not, you tried,

its all of these things you do so right,

that kept me alive during this strife.

You're like the music that keeps me alive,

the beat keeps me breathing & the words make me cry,

You're like a nice dosage of half and half,

a mixture that no one could ever live without,

But you can never stop at just one sip,

its like a craving that you start to miss.

You're like a good kiss on a random park bench,

when the sun is out shinning, or the rain is at play..

All these things are just part of you,

and deep down inside, you know this is true.

So whether or not you'll play along,

with people who cry and write these songs,

will depend on your willingness to trust,

a heart that finds you as a must.

Alex's Song

PART VI of Lost Romantics

Insanities got a price,

one some are willing to pay.

When theres nowhere else to go,

no place to call your own,

will you be laughing still,

or fall to the depths of fear.

Will the silence scare you still,

will the voices make you unsound.

will the rain beat you down tonight,

& will the echos still resound?

Will the people call you crazy,

will they know that your long gone.

will they try to understand you,

or will they shrink away from you?

Its not the pain God gives us

that makes us who we are,

but what we do with that pain,

that makes us prosper and endure.

Insanity may impair us,

may destroy the thing we were,

But its not the thing that kills us,

its just another trial to fail.

Its not always the voices,

its just the need to die,

its a feeling thats within you,

its a thought that doesnt cease.

It happens when a loved one,

leaves with no goodbye,

A painful question that lingers,

hallucinations that cloud your mind.

A want for that one person,

the one he lost in time,

A girl who ran from nothing,

because of others words.

No reason to forget her,

he wants to cry and cry,

Not fair to love another,

for surely he would die.

So unfair is romance,

a day or two it lasts.

It still leaves you to stumble,

and to drown within your past.

Like a cup of wine intices,

loves potion poisons too,

clouding your mind in dillusion,

then leaves you with a mess.

Days Away & No Way He's Coming Home

PART V of Lost Romantics

Remind me please, what's it like knowing he'll come home

just for you everyday that he is alive,

sorry that he missed an hour of time,

having to go somewhere for even five.

And remind me what its like to know he loves you so,

maybe even more than you think you'll ever know.

So whats it like, i wanna see this through others eyes..

because my own luck has lucked me out.

and im the one forgetting what true love is,

in lacking what i lack, ive found a void to fill.

This time feeling empty, im wanting so much more,

but im not so ready to, so easily let him kill.

Candles and Matches

PART IV of Lost Romantics

If you looked at me now,

i wonder what you'd thinkk.

im no different, than i ever was,

just the broken down wreck,

that the train leaves behind,

when it cant slow down.

I wonder if you see that,

the girl inside, needs you more,

than a dancer wants to dance,

or than a musician would ever play.

I'm needing you like a blank staff,

silently begging for notes.

you've been my toy soldier,

while i've spun in circles again,

singing the same endless tune,

starting to fade in and out.

yet you stand there watching,

winding me back up to full speed,

as i begin again, to try to impress.

she feel like a fool, a dance for two,

performed by one sad lonely child.

but her story's the one now told,

not excuse shes been giving him.

But hes actually sitting down watching,

now knowing where he went wrong,

as his ballerina performs,

unaware he still cares beneath it all.

Hes been feeling hopeless,

wondering where he ever went wrong.

But together wasn't so perfect,

they felt the love & indifference,

she was just a child of exaggeration,

while he was a man of the destructional site.

Two paired making a depressing tangle,

of burnt out candles and matches.

I dont want to be that girl anymore,

living the lie i make for myself to believe.

I want to just feel this music live in me,

and not feel the burning of my past.

Because im not perfect, but neither is he,

im no exceptional beauty or genius.

But i want to fly to the one who knows,

how to dance this tango the right way.

I want to look into his eyes,

as that candle puddles wax dreams for me,

and lay on the floor and not care,

that i've got nowhere real to go.

I want to open a window,

letting my death wishes blow away.

Knowing they are no longer,

a mistake i want to make in my life.

Maybe youre not my genius,

or my answer to every question.

But youre the made up reality,

that i had to form him to be.

Your love for me is much grander,

than Mozarts latin composition of life.

You make my heart soar to new heights,

higher than the sky i imagined.

but im just the same poor girl,

you saw right from the start of things.

I may lay on the floor in black dresses,

crying tears of the years ive killed.

But under this makeup and design,

nothing has changed what you loved most.

Im still the same composer whose notes,

have escaped the paper & gone to my head.

So i'll be flying like a bird in the air,

on the next flight home to you.

To face one last rejection,

or to say hello to the part untouched,

of our hollowed out tree we use,

to store the secrets of our past.

To get a chance to light the last spark,

before love finally burns out for me.